Tears

Tears are dripping down my face as I am trying to fall asleep tonight.  It is less than 48 hours until my first overnight work travel away from baby.  I am kind of depressed, definitely have anxiety, and just dreading being away from baby.  I keep telling myself it is only one night, it will be just less than 24 hours from the time I leave home, drive to Atl, crash at the hotel be at the Atl office by 7:30, have meeting from 8-2 and then drive home.  Sounds simple right?

 Quick trip down and back.  And pre-baby while I missed my husband like crazy when I had to go on business travel the previous thoughts were true.  It won't be long, he'll be fine, etc.....Post baby it couldn't be farther than the truth.  I will be 240 miles away from my 17 week old and will miss her last 2 bottles on Sunday and 4 on Monday.  I will miss seeing her first gorgeous good morning smile when I pick her up when she wakes up.  I will be 240 miles away if she is not feeling well and nanny can rock her but not soothe and comfort her as good as Mommy.  My husband says he understands and is trying to supportive but right now I really don't want to hear words of comfort, I want to hear a solution that does not require me to go to ATL and/or just quit my job altogether.  I know that is definitely fantasy but hey a girl can dream right?  I keep praying for strength and for direction to let me stay with baby but I am losing patience when I know I should have faith, keep up the faith, stiff upper lip, blah blah blah. So many emotions but at least writing this helps me and tears have stopped. To the probably one person who may read this, thank younger any positive thoughts or prayers you could send our way. 

Pampers

Baby dry diapers may be one of the best inventions ever when you are trying to get baby on a schedule to sleep through the night - that is my random thought for now, good night 

Bitter

So if your are on of the Mommies I saw while quickly looking at tjmaxx over lunch - yeah I am not liking you right now.  Ypu got to enjoy this awesome weather day with your baby while I was looking hurrying while on lunch - yeah I really don't like you and want to ask you what your husband does for a living , what is your financial picture like, and just sneer in your direction because I am super bitter/jealous that on like the 3rd sunny day of the year or what feels like one I have to worry about my 16 million territory and how to get it to 20 million ASAP vs just enjoying the simple things like a beautiful day with my baby girl- yeah, I am a little bitter 

It is only 9:37 pm

And yet this is pretty much my new bedtime and not that I am complaining I love getting sleep when I can now that I  back at work - still hard and haven't had my first overnight business trip away from  baby, so we just take it one day at a time.