Cried myself to sleep

So tomorrow is the big day - Day 1 with nanny shadowing me for 1 of 2 days before I go back to work on Monday.  I just finished bawling for about an hour and cried myslef to sleep and then woke up and cried until I puked a little and decided blogging might help me to try and breathe, calm down, and go back to sleep.  Hubby is giving baby her last bottle for the night and before that he has been very sweet and supportive, hugs, says he loves me and it will be okay but right now I don't want to hear that, I want to hear the solution of how I get to stay home with our precious baby, I no longer shoulder the responsibility of our health insurance, dental, vision, long term investments with 401k, no car payment or gas, none of these perks/responsibilities anymore - he can have that pressure.  I am ready to have him swoop in with a solution and this time he doesn't have one and I am very saddened my miracle answer has not arrived.  I am praying for a miracle and if one cannot be presented then maybe some peace for my very tender heart. Btw, SAHM's I am very jealous and envious of you right now.