Soft hearted, mushy, emotional, right? Wrong, I am usually the one that puts on the happy, perky, confident, positive, face and channels the emotions I don't want to deal with into say work, or eating, or exercising. For example, my in-laws divorce after 30 + years of marriage- that year I gained 20 pounds and was promoted (the position I was promoted to I earned the quickest in company history). Channeling/re-shifting emotions is a wonderful strength - last year I dropped 35 pounds and got into great shape while worrying about getting pregnant and then ta da we were pregnant, healthy pregnancy, easy labor, healthy baby.
But...now ummm let's just say stuffing my face, trying to clean out closets around my house, being Suzy homemaker, saving 63.00 in coupons at the store and I can't stay busy enough to block or channel all the crazy emotions I feel. I am better with tactical planning so this is just a list of all the emotions running through my head and don't know where to put them or how to deal with them other than eating a whole bag of chocolate covered peanuts in two days (ha ha because that is funny but not because it is a joke)
1. The emotion of dread: Really really don't want to leave our precious girl with the nanny and return to work
2. The emotion of worry/fear: I am scared I may not be able to handle being Miss Mock 2 with my hair on fire leading the country while staying under budget and be super on and super fun wife???
4. The emotion of panic/paranoia: Will Baby be okay with the nanny? What if the nanny gets hurt during the day?
Will Baby be traumatized with exposing her to a new adult that will be caring for her?
5. The emotion of inadequacy: Am I doing enough for our baby? I have to help her prepare to compete- I read this article in the Sinday paper that Asian American children are far surpassing American children with academics and I wonder what can I do to help improve her chances?
More Vivaldi? More Mozart?
6. The feeling of accomplishment: it has been confirmed that I will be receiving another free international trip due to another year of hard work and a raise ta boot!
7. The feeling of dread again: I will be away from baby during trip for 5 nights - yes grandparents will watch her but still away from my sweet baby.
8. The emotion of pure love- every time I see baby or husband holding our sweet baby I feel pure joy and pure love.
9. The emotion of annoyed- this one is small but getting ready to start again and not looking forward to that - I definitely did not miss while I was pregnant.
For now, I am sipping on sleepy time tea and praying for comfort, peace, and wisdom.
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